On 16 September, at a ceremony held by the home ministry to hand over citizenships to 92 people, a woman who had just been granted her citizenship hugged the home minister Datuk Seri Hishammuddin Tun Hussein in overwhelming excitement.

The news struck headlines on local newspapers and Yang Yulian subsequently received plenty of calls from friends and relatives.

Some asked her about the citizenship, and others just congratulated her straight away, as they felt that her wish should have been fulfilled after applying for the citizenship for so many years.

However, Yu was not among the 92 lucky new citizens!

She remains the dejected applicant who has been living in this country for the past 62 years.

Yu read the news over and again, and felt distressed having to see the excited expressions on the successful applicants' faces.

She was sleepless that night, wondering why she still had to go on with the fearful life since she was born and raised in this country.

Feeling uneasy holding a red IC

Yu feels uneasy holding a red IC, and has been trying to conceal this identity of hers. Other than her close friends and relatives, not many people are aware that she is holding a red IC.

Not only is she denied the privileges a Malaysian citizen is entitled to, due to inadequate legal knowledge, she feels fearful seeing the enforcement personnel or having to visit a government office.

There were several times she ran away when she was questioned by the official why she was holding a red IC, when she was at the national registration department applying for her citizenship.

Besides, she also encountered problems when going overseas for holidays, and her team-mates often had to wait for her in frustration. This has made her very sad.

Failed three times

"All I want is to live in Malaysia and not go anywhere else. I have my family, kids and friends here."

Yu said she felt confused and lethargic of her non-citizen identity, and hoped she could get her citizenship as soon as possible.

She has applied for citizenship on three separate occasions, in 1974, 1998 and 2005 respectively, but has been disappointed over and again.

When she went to Putrajaya recently to enquire about the progress of her application, she was told by the official, "Now that you've waited for so many years, why not just wait for another year?"

She gathered all her courage for an interview with Sin Chew Daily, even though that would mean the entire world would now know about her identity.

She tries to deliver herself from the painful memories of the past, and look forward to a citizenship.

Unaware of own identity when young

Yu said she was not aware of her non-citizen status when she was young, as she though she was holding a blue colour IC and should naturally be a Malaysian citizen.

"One day, my daughter in secondary school saw my IC, and discovered that I was only a permanent resident, not citizen of this country!"

Yu's parents did apply for citizenships after Merdeka, but did not know whether their daughter could become a citizen automatically. So when Yu applied for IC at the age of 21, and was given a blue colour IC, she was never doubtful of her status.

When she realised something she had been in possession for the past two decades was suddenly gone, she was instantly plunged into a state of despair and helplessness. She had wanted to apply for citizenship immediately, but because of her poor command of the national language and lack of knowledge in the country's laws and proceedings, she backed off.

Yu actually has a birth certificate and proof of her marriage registration. Despite her fears, applying for a citizenship has always been her greatest wish, and she has since sought the assistance from political parties, NGOs and friends to help apply for one but to no avail.

Nevertheless, Yu has never given up hope, and wants to keep applying again. Due to some misunderstanding, the sense of security she used to possess for more than 20 years is now gone. All she wants is to fight for that lost security.

"I'm already over 60. How long more can I wait?" (Translated by DOMINIC LOH/Sin Chew Daily)